Meaning
Well, we are 7 days in as I write this. For me that's 7 days of extreme anxiety, finding not too shabby Lululemon to sell, and being tearfully grateful at the kindness shown to me by friends and family. It's safe to say the novelty of lockdown has worn fairly thin and I definitely didn't appreciate how kind Lockdown #1 was to me and Graham, who now has to eat supermarket kibble (which I’m pretty sure is the exact same thing as the stuff from the vets anyway).
I think the thing I'm sick of hearing the most is the assurances that everything happens for a reason. I'm not a religious person at all, in fact, being forced to go to church as a child instilled in me a rather unnecessarily hostile view of anything to do with any form of god or higher power; and the thought of our lives being 100% out of our control is something I just can't accept.
Whilst I don't think that there is actually some profound fucking meaning behind all the awful things that happen in the world, I do think that if you pretend that there is one and do your best to find it shit will be a lot easier. A placebo effect, I guess you could call it. As with anything you give your focus to, once you start to notice something it becomes more pronounced, so this is what I've decided to focus on this week, between meltdowns and posting used active wear on Facebook marketplace. Whether you truly believe in them or not, forcing yourself to find some kind of meaning in the madness certainly makes everything seem a bit less fucked and hopeless.
So here they are, my forced meanings. Feel free to adopt them as your own placebo or try and think of your own. Or maybe you're not as emotionally inept as I am and don't need help with reframing your thought processes, in which case, good for you. Anyway:
Maybe, you're experiencing some shit times so that you can truly feel all the love and support you have around you, and accept that it's OK to ask for and receive help.
Maybe, despite the poor and jobless part, this is actually the best thing that's happened to you because it's forcing you to really focus on the things you actually want to do, which is obviously forcing more of your feelings on others in written form.
Maybe, finding a way to cope with the stress and anxiety of this situation will make you waaaay more fucking resilient and you'll be like super mind goals.
It's pretty easy into tricking your own mind into believing something. Just think of all the times you've used your powers of denial to reframe other negative situations in your life...shit partners, crappy jobs, unripe avocados, Netflix freezing... whilst I hope none of you are experiencing any of those things right now, I'm sure you'll agree that it's fairly easy to allow yourself to stay in a negative situation because you are hell-bent on telling yourself it really isn't that bad.
So try that now, that's your weekly challenge. Find some meaning in the madness every day, or, if it's not immediately visible, fucking make it up, and tell yourself that it's true. Also, if Netflix is playing up, turn it off and back on again (obviously) and squeeze an avocado longways to effectively check for ripeness.
PS Let me know if you’d like a good second condition Lululemon bra, or three.
