Honour
Better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.
- Chinese proverb
I look at the words on the screen of my phone in disbelief. In a nutshell, I’m not to return to work. To ‘honour’ my contribution, apparently. When I google the definition of honour, I’m met with ‘the quality of knowing and doing what is morally right’, and synonyms like ‘integrity’, ‘honesty’ and ‘respect’. Strangely none of these words seem congruous with being removed without discussion from email, staff social media groups and chats within days of officially resigning, and weeks before the end of my notice period. Honour doesn’t really go hand in hand with having genuine workplace concerns ignored and dismissed, and feeling patronised and belittled by the very support system that supposedly exists to ensure staff feel valued and protected. Resigning because you feel no other choice is available to you doesn’t feel honourable, it feels like a dick in the ass. That’s not mentioned in Google’s definition, but I suppose it’s all a matter of perception, or so I’m told.
Gardening leave, is what it’s called, apparently. There are a few different reasons that companies and organisations tend to play this card. It could be to prevent the employee from accessing confidential information, including contacts they have made through the business. It could be a means of preventing them from seeking further employment that may conflict with any non-compete clause stipulated in their contract. It could be because that person was a bloody nuisance and made it clear that they were resigning due to stress and anxiety caused directly by the failure to acknowledge or address legitimate concerns. Who knows, really.
My contribution has been over two years of doing my utmost to create meaningful programs that motivate people to find self worth and genuine human connection through health and fitness. My intention has always been to encourage those I am fortunate enough to work with to develop both mental and physical strength as well as intrinsic motivation. In an industry that primarily focusses on aesthetics and extrinsic goals, this hasn’t always been easy, but I have always felt that it is a battle worth picking. Turns out that people love strong and passionate, until they realise that strength and passion can also be used against them. To feel you are a fucking inconvenience for making a stand and having an opinion is about as honourable as Greg Glassman’s recent string of ridiculously ignorant faux pas.
When I think of honour, I think of things like respect, honesty and accountability. Words that organisations and management love to spout and highlight on their business proposals and mission statements. It seems like values these days are nothing but meaningless buzzwords and hash-tags, completely lacking in any sort of substance, let alone action. Open conversations, daring to lead, teamwork and moving forward are all things that are so fucking easy to preach, but apparently ridiculously hard to put into practise. I’ve learnt that mental health, staff culture and speaking up are only important when it’s convenient, and when it doesn’t actually involve being accountable.
Whilst I’d be the first to admit that I can be contentious and disagreeable (it’s really part of my charm), I also think that rocking the boat is necessary if you’re trapped in the fucking hold and the ship is stuck in a sea of bullshit. How can there ever be any actual positive change when complaints are ignored and people are railroaded into resigning simply because they had the balls to stand up for themselves? What the fuck is honour without action, and what good are your so called values if your behaviour in no way represents them? It’s all very well for me to talk about courage and authenticity, but if I can’t be courageous and authentic when it actually counts, then what’s the fucking point? Some things aren’t a matter of perception. Some things are straight up, 11/10 shitty, and if you don’t have the self awareness to acknowledge your own failings and how they affect others, then maybe you should dare to be better, rather than just talking about it.
I’ve always been one to look for the positive in everything, because obviously win or learn and growth and adversity and all of the #mindgold things. There is something to be gained from refusing to be treated like you don’t exist, from being the warrior in the garden, and from having a fucking backbone. Whilst workplaces are far from being an actual war zone, and HR, holiday pay and gardening leave are all very fucking first world problems, being treated without honour and respect is never something you should be silent about. Whilst I know that the changes I’ve made in my life are much needed and I am better for them, I wouldn’t be me if I slunk off into the darkness without sharing my story in some capacity and encouraging anyone who needs to hear this to be a fucking warrior.
