average
You can fail at what you don’t want. So you may as well take a chance on doing what you love.
Jim Carrey
As a kid Jim Carrey was actually my idol. Me, my dad, and my brother would watch Dumb and Dumber and Ace Ventura literally on repeat. Those idiots pissing in beer bottles and getting their tongues stuck to ski lifts would make me instantly forget about whatever 10-year-old problems I had (Mum putting the tomato in my sandwiches too early so they were soggy, and not being allowed to watch Friends). So it’s kinda funny that I’m being talked off my current I’m-a-failure ledge by the same man on YouTube, 23 years later (fuck I’m old.) I’m watching his graduation speech and always skip to my favourite part, when he talks about how his Dad really wanted to be a comedian, but basically bitched out coz he was scared he’d fail, but then he lost his job as an accountant that he hated anyway. No matter how many times I watch this it strikes a chord with me. The fear of going all in on anything is totally fucking terrifying, and it’s so easy sometimes to wish you’d just played it safe, stayed on the couch watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race and being an average cunt, avoiding the universe and the potential failure and embarrassment it has in store.
What defines failure is so different to each individual and I think that’s why it’s so hard to understand someone else’s. We all have such different standards that we hold ourselves to, and putting your own onto someone else is like trying to make Gelato Messina AND Grill’d fit your macros without literally starving for the entire rest of the day (so: impossible). I’ve always tried to embrace the concept that excellence is giving your best effort, and convince myself that as long as I know that I gave 10,000% to whatever I’m trying to do then I can (should) be satisfied with the outcome. So why is that so fucking hard to put into practice. Why can I know for sure that I couldn’t have given anything more than what I had in that moment, and in all the moments leading up to it, and still wake up the morning after State Champs with that sick feeling of failure stuck to me like peanut butter but in a bad way.
I don’t remember a time ever when the satisfaction of an achievement wasn’t washed away within minutes or even seconds, to be replaced with the nagging thought that I could have done better, that I should have gotten one more rep, lifted one more kilo, or maybe stuck that relationship or job out a little bit longer. Maybe if I’d been a bit smarter, or stronger, or tried a little bit harder, then I would have been more successful. I’ve always assumed that this was everyone’s mindset. It clearly isn’t though, because so many people seem weirdly satisfied with achieving the bare minimum, which I literally cannot understand. Someone close to me, in a misguided attempt to console my level 100 meltdown after State Champs, reassured me that being average was OK. Not only did this cement my already overwhelming feelings of mediocrity, but it made me realise just how much I vehmently disagree with that mindset. Being average is NOT OK. Unless you believe in god (and also, even if you do, because spoiler alert: he doesn’t exist), then this is all you fucking have. This life, this year, this day, this moment. And literally maybe not even that. If you are willing to spend this ridiculously limited time being fucking average, then I’m sorry (not sorry) but I cannot get around you.
Your ‘elite’, or ‘excellent’, or whatever other word you can think of for giving something your best, that thing that gives you a sense of pride and personal accomplishment…that may look different to someone else’s. Whether you want to be a parent, or a writer, or an athlete or whatever the fuck it is that makes you excited to get up in the morning…do it to the fucking best of your ability. There is no reason in my mind to accept that being average (or shit, basically) is an acceptable outcome or goal. Of course, the flip side of trying to be excellent all the time is that you are never satisfied with your performance as you are constantly setting the bar higher. Whilst this may seem exhausting and uncomfortable, the discomfort of knowing that you could be better at the thing you love, but were too scared / lazy to do so…that feeling is worse.
Sure, failure is shit and embarrassing but honestly, anyone who laughs at you for really giving something a solid crack and not making it isn’t really someone worth listening to. Fuck average. Don’t be Jim Carrey’s dad, be Jim Carrey.
