2018
I didn't love or hate 2018. People love to be all like "fuck you, year" but in my opinion that's a lot of time to be mentally flushing down the toilet of life. Seems more productive to analyse the shit out of it, both good and bad, and either learn from it or do the same dumb shit the following year, but probably with less enthusiasm. This piece is obviously about MY year, and my perception of events that have defined it. So you can disagree if you like, but you'd be wrong, basically. Feel free to write your own list and post it online for universal critique.
I'm gonna say that the predominant theme throughout my 2018 was change, which is something that's always made me lose the absolute plot. (It's been almost 7 years and I'm still recovering from moving from Auckland to Melbourne, and the recent switch from peanut to almond butter virtually unhinged me and my many creatively peanut butter themed dessert options). Besides dietary upheaval, this year has been a bit fucked and some events changed the entire course of my life, but I think I can safely say they've changed for the better. I think it's so easy to get complacent or at least comfortable, and although comfort does sound like a good thing, because track pants and chocolate pudding, it's often a symptom of stagnation and of basically being a massive pussy.
So as 2018 hurtles to an end I feel it necessary to compile a list of lessons/ statements/ musings in categories ranging from most - least important. More than happy to elaborate on any of the following should anyone give extra fucks, but, as you'll learn in Category #4, nobody actually does.
Food
Because obviously, and let's ease ourselves into the heavy self-reflection.
Vanilla casein is better than chocolate and you can take whatever sexual connotations you'd like from that but I stand by my statement.
You can live without peanut butter as long as you have some other form of nut paste and yes that can and does include Nutella.
Eggplant is beyond terrible in literally all forms besides emoji.
2. Training
Second only to food.
Your biggest critic is yourself. No one will ever doubt your abilities, your commitment and your passion more than you. Don't tell people to take you seriously, show them how fucking serious you are.
Your journey is your own. Other people may weave in and out but at the end of the day it's you on the platform/ court/ floor. Acknowledge and appreciate the support and guidance of others but know that your biggest ally is inside your skull.
More isn't better. Unless it's listening more, learning more, and doing more of the shit that you suck at. Better, is fucking better.
3. Work / what you actually WANT to do for work
Because these two things are not always the same.
I've heard people say that a once in a lifetime opportunity comes around every couple of weeks, and I honestly agree. Opportunities are about what you put yourself out there to receive, so be receptive to new ideas, to starting things, and to risk them potentially not working out, because the only thing worse than failing is not even trying in the first place.
Stop caring what people think. If they don't have the balls to have a crack at something themselves then their opinion is literally void (see 'man in the arena'quote for a slightly more articulate version of this statement).
Go all in or GTFO, basically. As discussed , do you want the reason you don't succeed be because you didn't actually really try ? Coz that's lame as shit.
4. People in General
Yes bla bla my priorities are fucked but you're welcome to make your own list and order your headings however you'd like. Also, if you were marooned on a desert island would you rather have your mate with you or full access to Uber Eats? Anyway.
Something I found it hard to accept this year is that most of the time, people are actually trying their best. Sometimes, they're still cunts, and this is unfortunate (for them), but you cannot change that. Adjust your expectations and remember that you can only control YOUR behavior. It's 100% your choice who you have in your life and the behaviour you accept from those that are.
No one actually gives as many fucks about you and what you are doing as you think they do, and this is a good thing. The ones that do don't generally have opinions worth you stressing over anyway, so probably just don't worry about them.
Forgiveness is probably the hardest lesson that I have had to learn, in terms not only of forgiving others but myself, accepting that I don't always do the right thing, that I am imperfect and that not everyone will like what I do, what I stand for, and how I walk through life. It's fun to hate people, but it kind of makes you a miserable cunt. Also, if you hate yourself, how can you expect anyone else not to?
5. Dating
In previous years this may have been higher on my list of priorities, but honestly I am at an age where I would rather spend Saturday night watching Gossip Girl with Graham than try pretend I give a shit.
Instagram is now Tinder apparently, and just because you know someone in actual real life does NOT mean they will not defer to all the standard dick-hole behavior that online dating is known for. A simple 'decline all'will remove this potential issue from your DM's and otherwise uncomplicated life.
Genuine and lasting connection is rare as fuck and if you're lucky enough to have that with someone hold the fuck onto it, stay outta other people's DM's, and stop waiting for something better to come along. Finding someone who doesn't hate the thought of seeing you every day is an achievement in itself.
Be honest. It's fine to want whatever it is you want (unless it's an animal or four-year-old), but own that and don't drag anyone down your tedious path of bullshit if you can help it. Also it just occurred to me that someone reading this might be like 'Ooh, four year olds and goats.' Gross.
6. Miscellaneous
Because how often do you get to use that word. Twice, in this blog, if you include the title.
Dish-o-matic's are SO much better than a standard scrubbing brush to the point that I do not understand why they even sell them anymore.
Shaving your own vagina is ridiculously awkward, but still less awkward than the laser hair removal girl having to do it for you because you did such a poor job it looked like a burnt dolls head, and still does because turns out practise doesn't make perfect (that should sort out the DM situation).
Ankle extension is v important and mine is terrible.
If you've made it to 32 without needing to wear a bra you should definitely take advantage of that, forever.
Yoga isn't for pussies, it's for strong fucking bitches who can balance on their hands with their knees on their triceps (happy to provide demonstration).
7. Conclusion
I got used to the heading thing, basically.
Well, I'm sure I've learnt other things over the year but basically these are the things that were in the forefront of my mind whilst I was at the dentist today, which reminds me that I also learnt that brushing only cleans 80% of your teeth, which is why you should floss to sort out the remaining 20%. Feel free to learn from my lessons, or go off and spend 2019 using your piece of shit scrubbing brush and eating eggplant, and if you mistakenly think anyone will care, plz revisit Category #4.
