Hey There Pain
Fun fact: I wrote this blog specifically for Next Chapter Health, in response to a client question. I was lucky enough to complete a great many of my counselling placement hours with Travers Holbrook and his team at Next Chapter, and am fortunate enough to be an honorary member of said team - contributing ‘wisdom’ in blog form when it occurs to me.
To get in touch with these guys, head to https://www.nextchapter.health/.
You’d think these days, with increased awareness of all things mental health, there’d be some universal, tried and true ways in which we can approach mental health first aid. Physical first aid kits always come with pretty much the same things in them - bandaids, tape, saline solution, and basically nothing that will help with an actual serious injury (unless you feel confident taping someone’s dislocated shoulder back into their socket). I guess the reason that there isn’t such a kit for mental health is because everyone is different, and we all have different things that freak us out and generally throw our emotions into panic mode. There is no ‘one size fits all’ brace or bandage or concoction that’s going to cut it. That won’t stop me trying to create one though.
I’ve come up with the helpful (or unhelpful as it’s not super easy to remember) acronym of A CAR, which aims to serve as our mental health first aid instruction manual. If you have difficulty remembering acronyms, just think, when I’m feeling like I’ve been mentally hit by A CAR (or walk in front of one, for my darker humoured friends) I need to apply mental health first aid.
Here it is, in all of its cleverly worded glory:
ACCEPT that you’re going through some shit. That doesn’t mean ignoring the signs you’re in emotional pain, any more than you would ignore a broken leg or dislocated shoulder. Acceptance is basically like you’re saying: ‘Hey there pain, I see you.’
Be COMPASSIONATE with yourself and your pain. Imagine that someone close to you is sharing their distress with you. Would you tell them to suck it up and get on with it? Or let them know the way they’re feeling is OK, and that they have your support. Treat yourself and your pain with the same respect. Keep in mind too that there is no time frame on ‘feeling better’, and try and banish any ‘should’ thoughts around how you are feeling. (This S word is basically bullshit and the cause of a lot of issues.)
Distract yourself with a positive ACTIVITY. This doesn’t have to be something expensive or hectic, but rather easily accessible and achievable like a walk outdoors or a relaxing bath or ‘sad shower’ (for those who don’t have a bath, this refers to a sit down shower). The aim is to stop you beating yourself up over whatever shit you’re stewing on, and focus on soothing your frazzled mind for half an hour or so.
Once you’re feeling more calm, REFLECT on the pain you were/are still feeling and try and gain some perspective. This could mean reframing the issue for yourself and trying to find some meaning, or asking yourself if there was a way you could respond differently in the future. Basically, things often suck a bit less if we can find something to gain from them.
I’ll be the first to admit that we COULD go through this whole process and feel no better. It’s possible. There’s a chance that this first aid kit might be as useless in the moment as saline solution is to a ruptured spleen. It’s important to identify if our emotional distress is likely to rise to a ruptured spleen level, and have a safety plan in place that involves mental health professionals, should that situation occur. It can help to think of our level of emotional pain on a scale of 1-10, and apply our various tools appropriately, depending on the level of crisis we are experiencing. Eg level 4 = bath, level 10 = CATT team. FYI, lightening the mood with a bit of tongue in cheek and slightly inappropriate humour can also be a helpful self soothing strategy.
If all else fails, try searching Pinterest or Instagram for a helpful quote, such as this assumedly car related one from Henry Ford: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
